Or Not to Be
by Clara Barton
Summary: She was fully aware of the fact that here she was, legs spread wide, leaning against a church altar as her ex-girlfriend tried to encourage her to say a word that she hated. She was fully aware of how hypocritical it was of her to draw the line there. 31 Days of Smut: Day 5 Wedding Trope
A/N: I've had a few requests for some more "wedding trope" things ever since I put up If You Leave so I figured I would add one to this smut challenge. The pairing I chose, though, was shockingly not requested by ANYONE.

A/N 2: I live for reviews. Even if it's just "loved it" - every review makes my day and inspires me to write more.

A/N: A special and enormous thanks to Maevemauvaise who, in addition to exchanging all caps frantic typing with me is taking on the dubious honor of beta reading for me. THANK you so much.

Warnings: smut, language, fluff, AU, sacrilege (is that a thing people care about? if you do, well then you might be bothered)

Pairings: RxD, background 2x3, background 1x4

 _March 5: Or Not to Be_

In retrospect, Relena should have brought a date.

She wasn't sure _why_ she had thought this would be easier - would be fun and free of pointed questions and looks - if she came alone instead of trying to find a date at the last minute after breaking up with her girlfriend just a week ago.

Probably, Relena decided, she hadn't been thinking at _all_. She had, in fact, completely forgotten about the wedding until yesterday afternoon when Heero called her to run his best man speech by her in a rare moment of uncertainty.

So Relena had listened to him, pretending to be calm and not internally panicking because she really had _nothing_ to wear and in the end, with Heero still on the phone, Relena had jumped in her car and driven to the mall and purchased the first dress that fit her at Nordstrom's while a sales associate very pointedly looked at the wall clock that counted down the minutes until the mall closed.

Heero had finally let her go, had finally accepted her praise for his speech and agreed to save her a dance at the reception.

So Relena spent the night staring up at the ceiling above her bed, angrily blinking back tears as she thought about everyone celebrating the wedding tomorrow, as she thought about just how many people would ask her - as she realized, too late, that maybe she should have told her friends about her very messy breakup last week instead of keeping it a secret.

Too late now.

Relena rolled over and glared at the empty spot in her bed.

Too late and besides, it was good. The breakup had been bad, yes. They had said terrible things to each other, had lashed out and landed brutal blows and Relena regretted it, now. Regretted the way it had ended even if, were she being honest with herself, it really _was_ a good thing. It was good they were done. Good they were over.

It just might have been more _convenient_ if Relena still had Dorothy as a date to the wedding tomorrow.

-o-

Relena put on the blue lace sheath dress she had purchased the night before and smoothed it down over her hips. It was, despite being a last minute purchase, actually a lovely dress and it fit her well.

She played with her hair for a moment, trying to decide how to wear it.

 _I love when you wear your hair up. When I can see your neck so exposed and vulnerable_.

Relena shivered at the memory of Dorothy's words.

She almost left in down, just to spite the memory, but instead she pulled it up in a smooth twist and secured it with a diamond comb that matched the diamond stud earrings she wore.

Dorothy be damned. Relena wasn't going to waste another thought on her - she sincerely doubted Dorothy was even _thinking_ about her anymore, she'd been in such a hurry to pack her things and leave that night after their fight.

Relena transferred her wallet, keys and phone to her black clutch, stepped into the black pumps that she remembered Dorothy describing as her _pin me against a wall and fuck me until I'm sobbing_ heels.

What did it even matter, Relena asked herself as she left her apartment and walked down to her car, what Dorothy had said about her hair or her shoes - Dorothy wasn't going to be there. Relena wouldn't have to see her smirk or see her ice blue eyes narrow in lustful determination.

Not, Relena thought as she started her car, that Dorothy was likely to _ever_ look at her with lustful determination again. Not after what Relena had said. Not after what Dorothy had done.

-o-

When she pulled into the small church parking lot it was already packed and she had to do quite a bit of maneuvering to find a spot.

She made it though, just as she saw the ushers at the chapel doors start to close the doors she raced inside and took a seat at the back.

The church was packed, though Relena wasn't surprised by that. Not only did Duo and Trowa have a _lot_ of friends, but Relena was sure that many of Duo congregants were in attendance as well. The young Episcopal minister was quite popular - Relena, who was by her own admission a lazy agnostic, had been impressed by Duo when she had attended some of his services and she knew that he had committing himself to making a difference in the church community.

Trowa, on the other hand, was a vehement atheist. She remembered the arguments they used to get into at college - shouting matches that usually ended with them quoting passages of the Bible to each other at the top of their lungs while Relena, Quatre, Heero and Dorothy sat back and watched the 'show' while drinking or pretending to study.

It was ironic, Relena couldn't help but think, that while Duo and Trowa's fighting seemed to strengthen their relationship, all it had ever done for Relena and Dorothy was drive them apart.

She sighed and pushed the thought from her mind. This wasn't about Dorothy. It wasn't even about Relena.

It was about Duo and Trowa.

She focused on the ceremony, admiring the two men in their black tuxedos, smiling at the fond looks that passed between them. Heero, Duo's best man and Quatre, Trowa's, stood on either side of the grooms and looked equally handsome in gray tuxedos. Relena wondered if this was the first time Heero had voluntarily worn a suit in his life - it was certainly the first time Relena had ever seen him in anything more formal than a polo and khakis. She had always wondered how Quatre, who loved clothes and fashion nearly as much as Relena did herself, managed to deal with a boyfriend who would, if allowed, walk around in athletic wear all day, every day.

The ceremony was short and when it ended Relena stood on her feet with everyone else and cheered the happy couple as they kissed and then walked down the aisle together.

The reception was held in the parish garden, a project that Duo and Trowa had devoted considerable effort to. They had turned it into a community garden for the neighborhood, Duo working with students from the school affiliated with the church, somehow managing to convince the school administrators that students should serve detention by helping him garden instead of sitting in a room and "thinking" about what they had done wrong.

As a result, the garden was in fantastic shape - not because Duo's methods encouraged repeat offenders but because spending a few hours a week working with the young, enthusiastic minister who was as likely to say "fuck" when he hurt himself as the kids around him, Duo had accumulated a flock of volunteers who worked in the garden even when not required, even when Duo wasn't present.

It wasn't until Relena had a glass of champagne in one hand and had decided she really ought to mingle that she realized it had been a mistake to come alone.

Hilde, one of Duo's closest friends and a teacher at the school, came up to her with a broad smile.

"Relena! You look lovely!"

"Thank you, so do you."

Hilde shrugged but ran her hands over the skirt of her green dress, flaring out the full skirt for effect. She looked past Relena.

"Oh, where's Dorothy?"

Relena bit her lip.

"She and I - we - well, the thing is -"

"Oh hello there, Hilde."

Relena turned at the sound of an all too familiar voice.

Dorothy stood behind her a smirk on her face and a glass of champagne in her hand.

Relena stared at her and Dorothy's smirk grew. She walked over to Relena and slipped her arm around Relena's waist in a practiced gesture that Relena had to fight against leaning in to.

Dorothy pressed a kiss to Relena's neck, just under her ear.

"I was running late," Dorothy said to Hilde. "So I missed the ceremony but I wanted to make it for the reception at least."

Hilde nodded.

"I'm glad you could - and I'm sure Relena is too. It's such a pain to navigate wedding receptions when you're solo," Hilde added with a roll of her eyes. "Everyone trying to set you up with so and so, or asking whatever happened to that asshole what's his name, was he really that bad anyway?" Hilde gave a theatrical shudder. "Consider yourselves lucky." She lifted her glass towards them and then moved off to speak to someone else.

Relena pulled away from Dorothy as soon as Hilde was gone.

"What the hell are you doing?" She hissed at her.

Dorothy arched one slender eyebrow.

"Saving you from the horror of navigating a wedding reception when you're solo, of course."

"We broke up - don't you remember?"

"I'd say I'm not likely to forget having a shoe thrown at my face or being called a vain, manipulative bitch who tries to make everyone around her miserable so she doesn't have to realize her own inability to get past her own shortcomings any time soon."

Relena swallowed hard and tried to ignore her own blush of shame. She shouldn't have said it. Even it was true.

"Relena - Dorothy!" Quatre walked up and kissed first Relena and then Dorothy on their cheeks. Heero, a step behind, just nodded a greeting at the two women.

"Wasn't the ceremony wonderful?" Quatre asked.

Relena smiled and nodded enthusiastically.

"It was - they both looked so happy and handsome - although not as handsome as you two!" She winked at Quatre. "How on earth did you manage to get Heero into a tux?"

"He promised me daily blow jobs for the next week," Heero said.

Quatre flushed and Dorothy laughed at his discomfort.

"Not like he wouldn't have done that anyway, Heero. You should have bargained for more."

"Oh I did. Quatre just won't let me say it out loud."

Quatre looked away from Relena's wide eyes.

" _Anyway_ ," Quatre said. "I'm sorry you weren't feeling well this last week and had to miss out on our weekly dinner, Dorothy."

Dorothy arched an eyebrow and then smiled slightly.

"Oh yes. Some nasty twenty-four hour thing I'm sure. I'm fine now."

"Good. Well, I think it might be about time for us to give our toasts - be sure to save us a few dances!"

Quatre and Heero walked away.

"You didn't tell them?"

"No. Not yet."

Dorothy looked speculative.

"Don't - don't even think this has anything to do with you."

"Doesn't it?" Dorothy asked. She folded her hands over her chest and Relena forced herself to look away from the peek of cleavage in the keyhole neck of Dorothy's fitted black jumpsuit.

"No. I just didn't feel like going through Quatre's 'poor you, you'll find someone better in no time and let's see two of my sisters are single this week and why don't I set you up with Iria again' routine."

Dorothy snorted.

"You sure it's not because you're waiting for me to come back and apologize?"

Relena lifted an eyebrow.

"Were you planning to?"

"Just as soon as you admit you're a spoiled narcissist who flirts with anyone that shows even the least bit of interest in you - regardless of if it's attached to a cock or a cunt."

Relena flushed.

"Will you _stop_ acting like me being bisexual is a personal insult to you? It's not! Just because I like men _and_ women doesn't mean I'm going to leave you for a man! Maybe if you trusted me instead of thinking I'm a slut like you are then things would be different right now!"

Relena realized, too late, that her voice had risen just at the moment when the chatter around them had died down.

Every single person, including the grooms, was staring at them.

Relena felt her entire face turn red.

"Sorry. Just a small disagreement." Dorothy said loudly. She grabbed Relena's hand and pulled her away, back into the church and away from the judgemental stares of their friends.

As soon as they were inside, Relena jerked her hand free of Dorothy's grasp.

"I can't believe that just happened." She covered her face and struggled to breathe.

She was beyond embarrassed - she was mortified and she couldn't _believe_ she had just done that - had just said that to Dorothy. In front of everyone. At a wedding. In a church garden.

Her heart was racing and, if anything, she was finding it even more difficult to breathe.

"Relena."

She felt Dorothy's hands on her shoulders and she struggled to be free, struggled to breathe and _oh God what had she done? She had ruined everything. She had made a fool of herself. An absolute, complete fool of herself and she was never, ever going to be able to look anyone in the eye again and WHY had she called Dorothy a slut? Why had she said that? Why had she let Dorothy get to her and the way people had looked at her. The raised eyebrows. The scowls. She had ruined the wedding. Ruined this special day that was for Duo and Trowa, who devoted their lives to other people and Dorothy was right. Her parents were right. All of her exes were right. Relena was self-centered and spoiled and she had ruined this and -_

"You haven't ruined anything, Relena. I need you to just breathe in. Relena, Relena look at me."

She felt hands on her face and it was then that she realized she was crying.

 _Of course. She was so pathetic. Of course she was crying. Of course she was -_

"You aren't pathetic. Relena. Breathe. Look at me and breathe."

She blinked back her tears and then rubbed at her eyes, probably smearing mascara and eyeshadow everywhere, and tried to focus on Dorothy's face, on her firm voice.

"Take my hand," Dorothy said and held out one perfectly manicured hand.

Relena glared at it.

"Relena. Take my hand."

She reluctantly did so and Dorothy laced their fingers together.

"Can you feel my fingers?"

Relena nodded.

"Good. Can you feel the scar on the back of my hand."

Relena drew in a deep, sobbing breath and felt for the familiar scar. There it was.

"Now what about the burn mark on my wrist?"

Relena drew in a few more deep breaths, rotated her hand and traced over the ripple of scar tissue.

"Good. What about the other scar?"

She ran her hand over the thin line, the three inch cut that ran parallel to her veins. The one from Dorothy's suicide attempt five years ago.

"I'm here, Relena. I'm here and you're here and you're okay. You're okay and you can breathe."

And she could. It was still difficult, still hard to focus on anything except the pounding humiliation she felt, the echoes of all of her embarrassments and failures.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Relena babbled.

Dorothy pulled her close, running her hand over Relena's back in a soothing up and down motion. She rocked them slowly, a small back and forth motion that Relena tried to focus on. She tried to time her breathing with it - forward and in, backward and out. In and out. In and out. In and out until it was no longer a painful fight to breathe, until her face had stopped burning.

"What are you sorry for?" Dorothy asked, lips against her hair, breath warm on Relena's bare neck.

"For _saying_ that to you. For calling you a slut. For ruining the wedding and -"

"You didn't ruin the wedding, Relena. Right now everyone is out there listening to Quatre or Heero go on and on and on about what a perfect couple Duo and Trowa are and no one is thinking about the two gorgeous blonde lesbians who got into a fight. Well, maybe Hilde is. But that's just because she's picturing us naked and wishing she could convince us to have a threesome with her."

Relena unwillingly laughed at that. Dorothy squeezed her.

"You didn't ruin it. And I am a slut. I cheated on you and you have every right to call me that."

"But I _hate_ that word and -"

"And you hate me. So it's appropriate."

"But I don't," Relena admitted miserably. She wrapped her arms around Dorothy and held her close. "I want to hate you so much. I want to hate you and I want to hurt you and I never, never want to see you again and I can't stop thinking about you."

"You are entirely too good, Relena Darlian," Dorothy said. Relena could feel the other woman's lips curve into a smile. "You can't even stay upset at the woman who ruined your life, can you?"

"I'm still upset with you. I can't - I don't forgive you. And I don't want you back. You didn't ruin by life by breaking up with me."

She expected Dorothy to let her go, expected her to step away and give her an angry, haughty glare and tell Relena all the ways she was going to miss her, all the things that Dorothy was to her that Relena would never be able to replace.

But instead, Dorothy pulled her closer.

"I know," Dorothy said. "You're so strong, Relena. So good and so strong."

Relena didn't know if Dorothy was still trying to comfort her, still trying to talk her down from the panic attack. She had to be - Dorothy very, very rarely complimented Relena or offered her assurance unless Relena was in the middle of a panic attack or Dorothy wanted something from her.

"Don't be nice to me now, please."

"Why not?" Dorothy pulled away enough to look down into Relena's eyes.

"Because I'll just look back and wonder if there was a chance - if maybe you were trying and I just never noticed."

Dorothy shook her head.

"I wasn't trying."

The admission was as validating as it was painful.

"You were always too good for me Relena. We were never going to work - but you're too stubborn to admit defeat and I'm too selfish to give up the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Relena wanted to look away from Dorothy, wanted to look at _anything_ that wasn't Dorothy's cold eyes or her full, perfect lips, the pale sheen on a nude gloss the only makeup she wore on them.

"Relena. Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?"

She looked away from Dorothy's lips to her eyes.

"Like you're obsessed with my mouth. Like you want my lips on yours. Like you want my lips on every inch of your body."

Relena shivered and realized she had been doing that - had been looking at Dorothy's lips and remembered just how much she loved her mouth.

"I've never been able to understand how you can say such cruel things and yet be so gentle with your mouth when you touch me."

She reached up and ran one finger over Dorothy's lips, tugging her bottom lip down a little.

Dorothy closed her eyes.

"Please stop."

That was new.

Relena didn't know if she had _ever_ heard Dorothy say please. Not even when she was naked and moaning under Relena, her entire body begging for release, not even then had Dorothy said _please_.

"Why?"

"You know why."

Relena did, but she didn't stop.

She pushed her finger over Dorothy's lips, into her mouth. She felt the sharp ridge of Dorothy's teeth as she allowed Relena's finger entry, felt the slick heat of her tongue and saliva and Relena shivered.

Dorothy closed her eyes and sucked on Relena's finger.

A jolt of arousal set Relena's pulse racing and her skin, from her finger to her nipples to her clit, tingled in pleasure.

Relena slowly pulled her finger from Dorothy's mouth and Dorothy opened her eyes again.

They stared at each other.

This was a bad idea. Even the beat of Relena's heart, the _thud thud thud_ tattooing against her chest seemed to be saying _no no no_.

She leaned forward and pressed her lips to Dorothy's.

Dorothy was instantly, ravenously, kissing her back.

Relena felt the other woman's hands wrap around her waist and spread lower, squeezing her ass urgently even as Dorothy's tongue thrust into her mouth forcefully, possessively.

Relena felt her blood sing, felt her skin practically vibrating at the too familiar touches and sensations.

Dorothy bit her lower lip, hard enough that Relena moaned in protest before pulling Dorothy's head closer. Her hands tangled in Dorothy's long, free hair, the fine blonde strands wrapping around her fingers easily.

It was so easy, so practiced. Relena had lost count of how many times they had kissed over the years, had lost count of how many times Dorothy had bit her lip or squeezed her ass or whispered filthy promises in her ear. Yet despite that, despite knowing exactly how it felt and what would happen next, Relena held her breath in anticipation.

Dorothy's hands tugged at the fitted skirt of her dress, pulling it up until Relena felt cool air against the cheeks of her ass and the curl of Dorothy's fingers on her bare skin.

"You're wearing a thong. To a wedding?" Dorothy pulled away from Relena's mouth and Relena felt the heat of her gaze.

"I didn't want panty lines."

"And you call _me_ a slut," Dorothy murmured.

Relena stepped away and glared at her but Dorothy just chuckled and followed her, backing Relena up until her waist hit the green covered altar table.

"I am _not_ a slut," Relena protested.

Dorothy hooked her fingers into the thin straps of the thong and pulled them down. Relena helpfully spread her legs.

"Mm," Dorothy said. "Say that word again."

Relena arched an eyebrow. She was fully aware of the fact that here she was, legs spread wide, leaning against a church _altar_ as her ex-girlfriend tried to encourage her to say a word that she hated. She was fully aware of how hypocritical it was of her to draw the line _there_.

"Say it again and I'll put a finger into your lonely little cunt, Relena."

Dorothy said the words against Relena's neck and Relena shivered. She clutched at Dorothy's shoulders and she squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head.

She wouldn't do it. She might be panting and desperate and _aching_ for Dorothy but she refused to give in to her. Not now. Never again.

"Mhm," Dorothy crooned as she ran her right index finger over Relena's pubic hair, her nail scraping Relena's skin. She curved her finger and ran the pad over Relena's folds, just barely pushing them open.

"So wet. Relena Peacecraft. What would people think if they saw you here right now, your pathetic excuse for panties around your ankles, your gorgeous cunt on full display - on an _altar_ \- and your perfect lips pink and juicy and begging for me. Do you know what they would call you?"

Dorothy pushed her finger in, dragging it between Relena's folds until she moaned and shook her head.

"They would call you a slut, Relena. A dirty, needy little slut. Wouldn't they?"

Dorothy rubbed against her clit, circling it once and then pressing down and Relena whimpered.

"Yes," she breathed. "Yes they would."

"They would _what_ Relena?"

Dorothy circled again, swirling Relena's lubrication around and around and around.

"What would they call you?"

"A slut," she finally moaned. "They would call me a slut."

"Yes they would," Dorothy agreed. "But you're my slut, Relena. You're my gorgeous little slut and I've been desperate to taste you all week. Would you like that - would you like me to fuck your perfect little cunt with my tongue? Would you like to me kiss your cunt?"

Relena nodded frantically.

Dorothy smirked and she helped Relena climb onto the altar before she knelt between her legs and spread them wide.

Relena had to scoot to the edge of the altar, had to drape her legs over Dorothy's shoulders for support and lean back on her hands to steady herself and she could only _imagine_ what she must look like - half naked and spread out on the altar like some kind of sacrifice.

Dorothy's smirk disappeared and she pressed a kiss to Relena's inner thigh and then turned her head. She kissed Relena's folds, a gentle, teasing kiss that made Relena growl impatiently.

Dorothy laughed and she flicked her tongue out, catching between her lips and Relena's growl turned into a moan. She clutched the top of the altar and all concern about how she looked vanished from her mind.

Dorothy flicked her tongue over Relena's clit and then sucked on it, drawing the sensitive flesh into her mouth, between her teeth and Relena cried out.

"Shh," Dorothy sat back on her heels and smirked up at Relena, her lips wet. "Or do you want to get us in trouble?"

Relena bit her lip and shook her head.

She really, _really_ did not want that. She couldn't stand the thought of someone walking in and -

"Sh." Dorothy bit her thigh. "Stop that and just think about how good this feels, Relena."

Dorothy spread Relena's folds with her fingers and returned her lips and tongue to their previous task.

She knew what Relena liked, knew the pace and pressure that drove Relena to orgasm and she knew how to tease, knew how to keep Relena whimpering and shuddering under her, thighs quivering with the strain of holding herself up and her desire to come.

Dorothy's tongue delved lower, into Relena's vagina and her right thumb moved to continue teasing her clit.

Relena moved one hand to Dorothy's head and dug her fingers into Dorothy's scalp.

It felt good. So very good and so very _wrong_ and Relena hated it. Hated the way Dorothy knew _exactly_ how to pleasure her, knew how to make her body betray her.

She felt her orgasm build, felt the inevitable wave of pressure build and build and crest and then she was riding it, was squeezing her eyes shut tightly and her fingers and toes were curling and her mouth fell open in a silent moan and she felt her body quake, felt her thighs shudder and her vagina contract and Dorothy kept going, kept fingering her, kept thrusting her tongue in and out until Relena was sobbing again.

"Stop, please, please, please stop," she begged, breathless and desperate and _aching_.

Dorothy ignored her until finally Relena pushed her back and even then, the blonde woman smirked at her and stood up and pulled Relena close and kissed her.

Relena could taste herself on Dorothy's lips, on her tongue. Could feel Dorothy's wet chin and lips and she shuddered again.

She was a slut.

She was Dorothy's slut.

When Dorothy released her, Relena felt cold and foolish and empty.

She stood up on shaky legs and pulled her panties back up and she caught Dorothy staring at her, caught the smirk on her lips and the ice in her eyes.

"Want me to come over tonight?" Dorothy asked as she handed Relena the clutch she must have dropped during her panic attack.

Relena shook her head in the negative. She definitely did _not_ want Dorothy to come over. Not tonight. Not ever.

"Eight?"

"I have dinner plans."

Dorothy nodded.

"Nine thirty then. I still have my key." Dorothy walked over and tipped Relena's chin up before pressing a hard kiss to Relena's frown. "Be in bed, waiting for me."

Relena wanted to protest, wanted to tell Dorothy no, wanted to tell her to go to hell and -

"What should I wear?"

"The red lace bodysuit. You know it's my favorite. Oh, and shave your cunt. I'm in the mood for smooth pussy these days."

Dorothy walked out of the church and Relena glared after her.

She should follow her - should follow her and tell her that there was no way this was going to happen. Not again. Over meant over.

But instead, Relena found herself shifting in her uncomfortably wet thong, found herself tingling and aroused and wet all over again at the thought of shaving for Dorothy, for dressing up for her and waiting for her in bed.

She really was Dorothy's little slut after all.

-o-

Endnote: Hey! If you're enjoying the 31 Days of Smut, or just my writing in general, check out the ebook I published on Amazon it's cheap (or free if you have Kindle Unlimited) and super smutty. It's Ponyboy by C. Barton.


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